Author: verneda.lights

#GivingTuesday is important, because it gives us a time to stop and give thanks for all the people, events, educators, and institutions that made us who we are. We give thanks for people and things we love, as well as the people and things that cause us to change, adapt, and grow under difficult circumstances. Growth that occurs in response to challenges confers strength. Growth in response to challenges makes us adaptable. Adaptability makes us durable. For these reasons I give thanks for my Bryn Mawr education.

Bryn Mawr Helps Students “Learn How to Learn”

Following our graduation (1974), I read my diploma, and was bewildered, wondering what it meant. Deciding to get an answer to my question, I walked up to “Mary Pat” McPherson, held up my diploma, and asked: “What does this mean?” She smiled and responded wisely, “It means that you have learned how to learn.” Looking back over my life and in sharing life-stories with classmates, I understand how that statement perfectly describes Bryn Mawr’s gift to her students. Bryn Mawr’s rigorous curriculum teaches analytical skills that yield powerful tools for creative problem-solving. Life in the latter half of the 20th Century and in the dawning decades of the 21st Century, was/ are filled with challenges that make or break lives. A Bryn Mawr education makes successful navigation of life’s challenges more likely, because the skill of learning how to learn is evergreen. Knowing how to learn is a lifelong lifesaver.

A Woman’s Place Is Everywhere

This is when I first understood the positive influence Bryn Mawr has in our lives:  After graduation, I started first year classes at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, (now, Perelman School of Medicine). Following class lectures, there was usually a mass exit and entry into the locker area. Once, I remember looking back over my shoulder. I caught a glimpse of some of my female classmates walking submissively (looking down), behind a group of male students. They were supposed to be walking together, but the women in the group walked behind the men. I was horrified and mystified, wondering what would make a woman choose to walk behind men with her head bowed down. Looking back on that small incident, I see how Bryn Mawr helped me develop a strong, positive, internal dialogue that reaffirms (again and again), that my place as a woman (yes, and as a black woman, too), is wherever I want to be. I don’t have to walk behind anybody. I can lead. My place isn’t “over there,” My “place” is everywhere!

Importance of Giving Back

To tell the truth, it took me years (okay, decades), to stop being an alumna Scrooge. Why? Because I was angry about all the ways I thought the College had fallen short. Then, I changed my mind, and decided to start giving back because of all the things Bryn Mawr does right. A main example of why I changed my mind can be summed up in two words: Hurricane Matthew.

In 2016, Hurricane Matthew barreled down upon the state of SC. The governor gave orders for everyone in the Low Country to evacuate. I was nervous, because this was the first time our community had ever been required to evacuate in response to a storm threat. Also, this was my first year without my parents. My father died in 2013. I moved home to care for my mother, who was very strong physically and mentally. My father was a master chef, so I wanted to be able to cook for Mom in the manner to which she was accustomed. Not long after I moved home, Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Somehow we managed to make even chemo fun. I worked remotely while being a cheerleader and caregiver. Mom and I had many cherished, good moments. She died at home on a cold December morning in 2015. My brother Grady, my sister Bess, and I were at her bedside.

Help Came From an Unexpected Place: Bryn Mawr

After Mom died, I became the knowledge worker and caregiver for my brother Lennie, who had a stroke that rendered him mute and bed-bound. He was very well-cared for at a nursing home in Savannah, GA. I visited him weekly, and stayed with him whenever he was hospitalized, which was often. When Matthew hit, Lennie was evacuated to another facility in Macon. The logistics of his relocation was challenging. Needless to say, I had to steel myself against fear of the unknown. I packed my bags and prepared for my neighbor, his wife and brother, to pick me up. The plan was to travel west, but storm-tracking software showed the hurricane threat reaching deep into the Western US. Not having a place to go, I decided to search for hotels and Air BnBs online, as we traveled. It seemed nowhere was safe.

On the day of our departure, the sky was dark and rain had started to fall. I got a direct message via Facebook, from BMC classmate, Susan Goldstein. Susan asked if I was safe. She said that if we didn’t have a place to go, my traveling companions and I were welcome to stay at her home, in the northern part of SC.  I accepted her offer for help. She texted me her address. With the help of GPS software, we navigated our way safely through the storm, to Susan’s home. My three companions and I arrived to find a big pot of delicious (vegan) vegetable soup, home made bread, and wine. Susan was such a gracious host. We had a great time, although there was no lack of drama from the storm! The safety and serenity of her home is reflected in the art work below. “Ancestral Pillows, Pillars,” is a photo montage that I created based on the self-portrait I took while laying down on my comfy bed in Susan’s home. I used a vintage portrait of my mother, Jenniese Lights, and her sister, Wilhelmina German, to cover the pillow beneath my head. The artwork was included in the “Wild Cuts” exhibit at Woman Made Gallery in Chicago, (2017). Susan’s generosity lives on in my art. Art, photography, and graphic design were things that I taught myself, because I learned how to learn. Thank you, Bryn Mawr!

The point of this story is to say that sometimes when you’re in trouble, help comes from unexpected places. For me, that unexpected place was Bryn Mawr. Never in my life would I have expected that any BMC classmate cared enough for my soul that they would extend a helping hand, despite the presence of danger all around. I was wrong. When telling my brother Grady (Haverford ’73), about my Hurricane Matthew  journey, he was amazed and said: “That BMC/ ‘Ford connection is strong!!!” He was right.

More Blessed to Give

Reflecting on Bryn Mawr this #GivingTuesday, I must say that there are many reasons why I give. Having a BMC classmate who cared enough to get me and three traveling companions out of harms’ way,  is a big reason to give. There’s no telling what could have happened to us if we did not have safe harbor during the worst part of the storm. Another reason I give is because it feels good. It feels good to know that giving to the College provides funds that make it possible for them to continue to offer the excellent education I received. Alumnae giving is a reflection of deep thought and high esteem that broadcasts our confidence in Bryn Mawr to the world at large. No, Bryn Mawr College is not perfect. No one and no institution is. But it is the place where I learned to learn. What I learned at Bryn Mawr helped me to acquire the skills I needed to be a caregiver. It helped me  to segue from medicine to visual art and photography. It is a place where others learned to value me, just as I  learned to value them. Please take time to give, now. Here is the link to give: https://www.brynmawr.edu/giving/how-give-what-give

Match for a Million

The Match for a Million is a new alumnae giving initiative. Beginning today, (December 1st), a generous donor will match all new and increased alumnae donations, up to $500,000.  The match period lasts as long as it takes to get to  the $500,00 mark. May we reach our goal, soon!